


"Tea and Confessions"

by WritingWithADinosaur



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, References to Depression, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-30 00:44:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17213933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingWithADinosaur/pseuds/WritingWithADinosaur
Summary: Reader is part of the Avengers. She has only been with them for a few months, and is still getting used to it. She was alone for a long time, and tends to freak out around groups. After a particularly difficult time, she decides go to a cafe. She doesn’t tell anyone where she is going, but Bucky sees her leave. He decides to follow her. He stays and keeps her company/lets her vent. Cuteness ensues.





	"Tea and Confessions"

**Author's Note:**

> Bucky Barnes x Reader
> 
> Key: Y/N = Your Name, L/N = Your Last Name, H/C = Your Hair Color, E/C = Your Eye Color
> 
> Warnings: Warnings: Mental Health (talk of self harming, anxiety, and depression)
> 
> This was one of my first pieces almost two years ago, but I still like it a lot.

Being accepted into the Avengers was something you never thought possible. Yes you had some special abilities, but it was nothing compared to Wanda, Tony, or a certain metallic super soldier that you’ve developed feelings for. Your entire life consisted of being pushed to the side, or told to stay quiet to not seem like a possible threat. This made you into who you are today: A young woman who is still figuring out her powers, but is also stuck seeing herself as an annoyance. 

As much as you appreciated everything the group has done and continues to do for you, sometimes it gets too much. You aren’t used to being around so many people all the time, and while you had your own room, that wasn’t enough sometimes. All of the talk about missions and training and whatever they were up to was overwhelming.

You also had had a rough night last night. Even though you knew you should talk to Banner about this, you couldn’t tell anyone about your depression or self harm. You weren’t suicidal. You couldn’t bring yourself to that point. The self harm was more of a release or a way of focusing back to reality if your attacks became too much. The only one who knew anything about your mental state was Bucky, but you told him that you were doing better, that you hadn’t broken your clean streak in a long time. If he saw the damage you did last night, he would be hurt.

Without thinking too much more, you shoved your laptop, charger, wallet, and keys into your purse and headed out to a small cafe that was only a few blocks away. They had your favorite drinks there that always had the ability to calm you down.

After quietly shutting and locking your door, you quickly looked around to see what everyone else was up to. It was a Friday night. Natasha, Wanda, and Steve were cooking dinner for everyone, it looked like some sort of chicken dish with veggies and fries for side dishes. Sam and Clint were arguing about what movie to watch tonight. It was between _Pulp Fiction_ and _The Magnificent Seven_. Bucky was just watching the two boys debate about the movies. He couldn’t put in any input because he hadn’t seen either of the films. Everyone else must be doing work in the lab or in their rooms. Now was your chance to sneak out unseen.

The elevator was a straight shot down the hall, but it would make noise. There was a staircase next to it. You had been up and down that many times during some training sessions. It was right there, and as long as you walked past the entryway to the kitchen unnoticed, you were golden. Taking the softest but quickest steps you could, you managed to get to the door to the stairs and escape. You were very thankful for Clint and Natasha’s stealth training right now.

As you made your way down flight after flight of stairs, you felt good. You hadn’t been called out by anyone, no one noticed you leaving. Or at least that’s what you thought.

What you hadn’t seen was Bucky looking up from the film debate and catching a glimpse of you through the threshold of the kitchen. He knew you weren’t 100% comfortable around the group all the time, but he hadn’t seen you sneak away like that before. He stood up and pulled Steve from the cooking. 

“Buck, what’s up? You deciding to flake out on movie night?”

“No. I just… I saw (Y/N) leave without stopping to tell us where she’s headed. I’m not sure what to do. I want to make sure she’s okay, but I don’t want her to think I’m creepy by following her.”

“You should go. This isn’t like her. She never just leaves, and she’s never missed movie nights. Take a comm link. I’ll be on one too, just in case something happens. Or maybe I should just go with–” 

“No. I know her and how she works sometimes. If she’s feeling even a bit overwhelmed, too many people will make whatever she’s feeling, even worse. I’ll be on comm. I have a few ideas of where she could have gone. I’ll keep you updated.”

“Alright. Be safe, make sure she is safe. We’re going to start a movie at around 8 o’clock if you want to try to make it back in time for that.”

“I’ll do my best. Keep your comm on, I’ll be going in and out when necessary. Don’t tell anyone about this. We don’t need more attention, that’ll for sure make this difficult.” Bucky turned to grab his jacket and bag, but stopped and grabbed Steve’s arm. “Hey. Thank you by the way.”

“No problem, Bucky. I know how much you care about her, even if you refuse to confess it to her.” Steve responded with a grin. He had seen how his best friend looked at (Y/N). He was protective of her, comfortable around her, and in love with her. Steve could also see that the feelings were echoed by (Y/N), but she was too shy to say anything. Everyone could tell that it was going to happen at some point, there were even bets placed on who would say it first. Steve had his money on Bucky.

Bucky grabbed his jacket and gloves so his arm wasn’t as noticeable. He also grabbed his backpack that had a first aid kit and a couple of small guns, just incase. He was thinking of which spot to try first. There was the bookstore around the corner, the south-east side of the park that you liked to sit and people watch, or the cafe down the street a few blocks. As soon as he figured out his plan, a hand grabbed his shoulder and made him turn. It was Natasha.

“And where are you going? Its movie night. You can’t possibly cancel before dinner.”

“I’m not canceling. Steve said we were out of popcorn and snacks, so I am going to go pick some up.” Bucky lied to Natasha. He didn’t want word to spread about (Y/N). If it got to Tony, there would be a full team search, making the situation worse.

“Alright, be back before the movie. It’s gonna be a good one tonight.” She said as she made her way back to the kitchen. Bucky breathed a sigh of relief and continued towards the elevator.

~~~~~~~~

This cafe was one of your favorite escapes. It was a small family run place that had been here since the 40s. It had a home-y vibe to it, and they had such a wide assortment of drinks to fit any mood. The only person who knew about it being one of your havens was Bucky. He actually went to it once or twice when it opened.

You felt so comfortable around Bucky, like you could rant or ask him for help or anything. He knew exactly how to help you in situations that seemed hopeless. This closeness definitely factored into your ever growing crush on the super soldier. He was more than his looks, strength, and intimidating manner. And you could tell that he felt okay around you. He talked to you much more than anyone else other than Steve. He sometimes would talk to you after a nightmare. The only other person who has been able to calm him down and get him back on track after an episode was Steve. It felt great to have this bond with Bucky. You wanted it to be more than friends, but you knew he wouldn’t go for that. So you did as much as you could to help and keep the bond between the two of you as strong as it could be.

“Hey there (Y/N)! What’ll you have today?” The woman behind the counter asked. Her name was Maria and was one of the original owners. With how frequently you came, she knew you and your typical orders.

“Hey, Maria. I’m not sure. I’m thinking some sort of tea today. It’s been kind of rough these past couple of days.” You felt the cuts rubbing against your sleeves and thought back to silently crying last night due to a particularly bad attack. “Got anything super calming but still a bit fruity?” 

“I got just the thing, sweetpea. Go sit, I’ll bring it over. I know your usual seat. Don’t worry about paying, it’s on the house.” 

“Thank you. I really appreciate it.” You slipped a $10 bill into the tip jar while Maria’s back was turned. She would make you take it back if she saw you do that, but you felt it was necessary. Looking over, you found your usual table by the window facing the park. Pulling out your laptop, you began to type away into a journal. Just getting your thoughts out visually sometimes helped work out problems or see how things could have gone better. This was especially helpful during training. It was a way of reflecting on what you were taught, how you did, and how you could improve. This method ended up being very beneficial.

Maria brought a small pot of tea over with a teacup on a saucer, some sugar, honey, and a stirring stick. You liked to put a mix of honey and sugar in your tea, which was very odd to some people. But Maria really knew you after coming as often as you have these past few months.

Pouring a cup of the wonderfully perfect tea, you waited for it to cool down a bit more before drinking. In the meantime, you went back to journaling.

~~~~~~~~

Bucky tried the park and the bookstore. Nothing. So the last place he could think of was the cafe. He realized that he hadn’t updated Steve since he left. He pressed the talk button on the earpiece and began to talk. 

“Steve. You hear me?”

_“Yep. Any luck?”_

“Not yet. I tried two places that she likes to go, I’m about to check one more place. If she isn’t there, I’m gonna need some help.” He couldn’t help the worried tone in his voice. He knew that you weren’t okay all the time. It’d been awhile since your last major attack. His worst fear was that you were gone forever. He couldn’t imagine you not being in his life anymore.

_“Okay. We’ll find her, Buck. Don’t worry. She couldn’t have gone too far. Let me know how the last location checks out. I’ll have my stuff ready, just in case.”_

As Steve was talking, Bucky made his way to the cafe. He saw you in the window, typing away on your laptop. His chest instantly loosened as he walked closer to the entrance.

“Not necessary. I got her. Cafe, should have known to check here first. I’ll let you know when we head back to the tower. We’ll try to make it for the movie.” Steve audibly sighed on the other end of the line.

_“Thank god. Be safe, take care of her. See you later.”_ Then the line went silent.

~~~~~~~~

You were so focused on writing everything going on in your head that you didn’t even notice a familiar man standing at your table until he spoke.

“This seat taken?” Bucky said. He tried to sound as normal as he could. A little bit of his accent coming back. You looked up from your laptop and shook your head no. You were confused. How did he know you were gone? You left the tower unnoticed.

“How did you–”

“I saw you sneak past the kitchen. I just happened to look up at the right time. I got worried and decided to look for you. I know that seems creepy, but I just… I know you and I didn’t want you to be 100% alone. If something happened to you, I don’t know how I’d go on.” You saw him break a bit. Sure you’ve seen him vulnerable before, but never like this.

He grabbed your hand and looked up to your face. “So, what’s eatin’ at you, doll?”

You wanted to stay strong and just say that you were fine, but you couldn’t. You had been hiding your cuts and thoughts from him and everyone for so long. The crack in your mental wall splintered more and more until you decided to tell him. You started by saying that you weren’t as okay as you had told him. Then you rolled up your sleeve a bit to show him what happened last night. He moved his seat so he could be sitting next to you and held you while you told him everything. You felt so much better knowing you had him in your life and he was able to help with this. You were starting to calm down more when you decided that you guys should probably head back to the tower.

~~~~~~~~

While you and Bucky were walking back, you thought _‘might as well tell him how I feel about him.’_ You had your arm looped through his, walking in pace with each other.

Keeping your gaze towards the sidewalk, you finally broke the silence. “Well, on a sort of happier note, I managed to find a light during all of this darkness.”

“Oh yeah? And what is this said _light_ , if you don’t mind me asking?” Bucky was curious, but he understood that it wasn’t his business to know everything.

“It’s gonna sound really silly and I don’t mean to make anything awkward, but… it’s you.”

He stopped walking. He was processing what you had said. He had always seen himself as this dark, destructive being until you came into his life. He tried to change when you came, and you admitting this, was his sign that he was doing right. 

It was time, he _had_ to tell you how he felt.

You stopped and faced him, immediately apologizing for being weird and possibly hurting their friendship. You interpreted his silence as being upset or aggravated. So you were taken aback when Bucky silenced you by soft lips on yours and hands on your cheeks. _Everything felt right._ You found your hands going around his neck while you kissed back and felt him smile into the kiss as his hands moved to your waist. He was the one that pulled away. Resting his forehead against yours he decided to confess.

“(Y/N), I’ve been wanting to do that for awhile now. I love you. Even though you may not think of yourself as wonderful or beautiful or strong, _I do_. I have been struggling to tell you this for weeks. I love you, doll. So much.”

You stayed silent for a second before lifting yourself on your tiptoes to kiss him again. He wrapped his arms around your back and pulled you close.

“I’m guessing you’ve felt the same?” You nodded in response and planted another kiss on his lips before lowering back to the ground. Bucky held you for a second before looking at his watch, 7:30PM.

“Sweetheart, as much as I’d love to continue kissing you, we do have to get back to the tower at some point. Steve wants us to be a part of movie night. If you’re up to it.”

“As long as I get to stay by you.” You respond with a small smile. You’re met with Bucky’s perfect smile as he kisses your forehead before he takes your hand in his and you walk back to the tower.

~~~~~~~~

Steve heard the elevator ding and the doors open. Bucky and (Y/N) together, Bucky’s arm wrapped around her waist. A smile spreads on Steve’s face as he looks at his best friend. Bucky is really smiling at the girl of his dreams, and she is smiling back.

“So who confessed first?” Steve asked. You pointed to Bucky. Steve celebrated for a second before yelling into the living room “Bucky did it, pay up everyone!” A muddle of groan, questions, and victory noises were heard.

You laughed with Bucky. He leaned down and kissed you once more. “Well now everyone knows. Let’s go show them the proof.”


End file.
